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Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.

嗨。我在這里要和大家談?wù)?，向別人表達(dá)贊美，傾佩和謝意的重要性，并使它們聽(tīng)來(lái)真誠(chéng)，具體。

And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.

之所以我對(duì)此感興趣，是因?yàn)槲覐奈易约旱某砷L(zhǎng)中注意到，幾年前，當(dāng)我想要對(duì)某個(gè)人說(shuō)聲謝謝時(shí)，當(dāng)我想要贊美他們時(shí)，當(dāng)我想接受他們對(duì)我的贊揚(yáng)，但我卻沒(méi)有說(shuō)出口。我問(wèn)我自己，這是為什么？ 我感到害羞，我感到尷尬。 接著我產(chǎn)生了一個(gè)問(wèn)題，難道我是唯一一個(gè)這么做的人嗎？所以我決定做些探究。

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

我非常幸運(yùn)的在一家康復(fù)中心工作，所以我可以看到那些因?yàn)樯习a而面臨生與死的人。有時(shí)候這一切可以非常簡(jiǎn)單地歸結(jié)為，他們最核心的創(chuàng)傷來(lái)自于他們父親到死都未說(shuō)過(guò)“他為他們而自豪”。但他們從所有其它家人或朋友那里得知，他的父親告訴其他人為他感到自豪， 但這個(gè)父親從沒(méi)告訴過(guò)他兒子。 因?yàn)樗恢浪膬鹤有枰?tīng)到這一切。

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

因此我的問(wèn)題是，為什么我們不索求我們需要的東西呢？ 我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)結(jié)婚25年的男士，他渴望聽(tīng)到他妻子說(shuō)，“感謝你為這個(gè)家在外賺錢(qián)，這樣我才能在家陪伴著孩子。” 但他從來(lái)不提出這樣的要求。 我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)精于此道的女士。 每周一次，她見(jiàn)到丈夫后會(huì)說(shuō)， “我真的希望你為我對(duì)這個(gè)家和孩子們付出的努力而感謝我?！?他會(huì)應(yīng)和到“哦，真是太棒了，真是太棒了?！?贊揚(yáng)別人一定要真誠(chéng)， 但她對(duì)贊美也有責(zé)任。 一個(gè)從我上幼兒園就一直是朋友的叫April的人， 她會(huì)感謝她的孩子們做了家務(wù)。 她說(shuō)：“為什么我不表示感謝呢，雖然他們本來(lái)就要做那些事情?！?/p>

So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.

因此我的問(wèn)題是，為什么我不說(shuō)呢？ 為什么其它人不說(shuō)呢？ 為什么我能說(shuō)：“我要一塊中等厚度的牛排， 我需要6號(hào)尺寸的鞋子，” 但我卻不能說(shuō)：“你可以贊揚(yáng)我嗎？” 因?yàn)檫@會(huì)使我把我的重要信息與你分享，會(huì)讓我告訴了你我內(nèi)心的不安，會(huì)讓你認(rèn)為我需要你的幫助。 雖然你是我最貼心的人， 我卻把你當(dāng)作是敵人。 你會(huì)用我托付給你的重要信息做些什么呢？ 你可以忽視我。 你可以濫用它。 或者你可以滿足我的要求。

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

我把我的自行車(chē)拿到車(chē)行－－我喜歡這么做－－ 同樣的自行車(chē)，他們會(huì)對(duì)車(chē)輪做整形。 那里的人說(shuō)：“當(dāng)你對(duì)車(chē)輪做整形時(shí)， 它會(huì)使自行車(chē)變成更好。” 我把這輛自行車(chē)拿回來(lái)， 他們把有小小彎曲的鐵絲從輪子上拿走。這輛車(chē)我用了2年半，現(xiàn)在還像新的一樣。 所以我要問(wèn)在場(chǎng)的所有人， 我希望你們把你們的車(chē)輪整形一下： 真誠(chéng)面對(duì)對(duì)你們想聽(tīng)到的贊美。 你們想聽(tīng)到什么呢？ 回家問(wèn)問(wèn)你們的妻子，她想聽(tīng)到什么？ 回家問(wèn)問(wèn)你們的丈夫，他想聽(tīng)到什么？ 回家問(wèn)問(wèn)這些問(wèn)題，并幫助身邊的人實(shí)現(xiàn)它們。

And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.

非常簡(jiǎn)單。 為什么要關(guān)心這個(gè)呢？ 我們談?wù)撌澜绾推健?我們?cè)趺从貌煌奈幕?，不同的語(yǔ)言來(lái)保持世界和平？ 我想要從每個(gè)小家庭開(kāi)始。 所以讓我們?cè)诩依锞桶堰@件事情做好。 我想要感謝所有在這里的人們，因?yàn)槟銈兪呛谜煞?，好母親， 好伙伴，好女兒和好兒子。 或許有些人從沒(méi)跟你們說(shuō)過(guò)，但你們已經(jīng)做得非常非常得出色了。 感謝你們來(lái)到這里， 向世界顯示著你們的智慧，并用它們改變著世界。

?（視頻來(lái)源：優(yōu)酷，編輯 Helen）

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